Sit! Stay! Don't Go See Marley & Me!
Written by Tara Leonard
SANTA CRUZ (January, 2009) -- The number one movie in America masquerades as a cheerful doggie romp to lure unsuspecting viewers into the theater. Don’t be fooled. On a rainy winter afternoon, I thought a light-hearted comedy would entertain my multigenerational holiday visitors. After suffering through the overly long film, my children renamed it The Doggie Death Watch. Take a stand against misleading Hollywood marketing and just say no to this dog.
Marley & Me is based on the popular book by Florida newspaper columnist John Grogan, played by Owen Wilson. Grogan buys his wife, played by Jennifer Aniston, an adorable yellow lab puppy. The crazy antics of their irrepressible pet fill the first hour of the film and are nearly enough to make you believe these almost-40 actors are young newlyweds. Chewed pillows, slobbery greetings, and obedience school disasters draw knowing laughter from the dog-loving crowd.
Things go downhill once the Grogans have children and we’re treated to endless marital bickering about parenting and personal sacrifice. Marley goes from the humorous focus of the film to just another awkward observer slinking around the squabbling couple. I love a good relationship movie as much as any woman, but not when I’ve got my children and in-laws along for the supposedly fun-filled ride.
Flash forward a few years. The Grogans have three children, regain their marital stride, and move to an idyllic farmhouse in Pennsylvania where Marley begins to show signs of age. At this point, Marley & Me veers into grim veterinary documentary.
Anyone who has ever loved a pet knows how painful it is to watch them decline. A director with heart and humility would have ended this film with a shot of Grogan and his loyal, aged companion watching the sun set over a windswept Pennsylvania field. A simple voice-over would gently announce Marley’s inevitable death. Then, while the credits roll and viewers tearfully recall their own lost pets, you would see the family picking out a new puppy.
Instead we are a treated to a detailed catalog of Marley’s increasing ailments from his refusal to walk up steps to a potentially fatal intestinal disorder. Believe it or not, the director felt it necessary to include a clinically accurate scene of the poor dog’s euthanasia. Forget quiet movie sniffling. Viewers gasped and sobbed as lethal medication was slowly injected into the animal. As if that weren’t enough harsh reality, we’re invited to the funeral. Nothing says holiday comedy quite like distraught children dropping letters and mementos into their beloved pet's grave!
When a soft touch would have done the trick, Marley & Me whacks viewers on the head with a rolled-up newspaper.
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